The Intelligence Report: Greenpeace to Arm Trees

You might have read about the memo Greenpeace sent out in which they gave leeway to their members to decide which “alarmist and armageddonist factoid” to use to attack George Bush. However, The Intelligence Report was given another memo by a high-level source within Greenpeace itself. It gives us some insight on what the environmentalist group has in store for its enemies.

The Real Greenpeace Memo:

MEMO: Dear fellow tree-huggers, our days of hugging trees are now over and in fact they have been over for year, we just forgot to mention it. Hey, what are memos for? Our new objective is to arm trees; not hug them. By arming our fellow trees we can fight fire with…woops, bad analogy. We have the ability to cut down those persons who cause so much harm to our environment and who devastate our forests.

We are currently indoctrinating seedlings; giving them the will power to commit the greatest of acts. We now have convinced thousands of evergreens to strap bombs to their trunks and to kill those bystanders who dare step foot and kill one blade of grass or weed for that matter. Praise be to Ahleaf! For when our might and our beliefs are challenged by the infidels who drive in their Hummers and refuse to recycle, we will have the strength to react. Praise be to Ahleaf! And those tree-martyrs will have the glory they deserve and the 9,762 virgins promised to them by the great Ahleaf.

Thank You,
Greenpeace

PS: Death to the infidels! [Or whatever crazed armageddonist threat you can come up with]

Posted by Opinionnation on Friday, June 02, 2006 at 7:43 PM | Permalink